So, if you know me, you know I like food.  That’s no surprise.  So, when Dryer’s releases a new brand of ‘low fat’ Ice Cream sandwiches, you know I’m on that like a fat kid on Ice Cream Sandwiches.  (Hmm…a little too literal there?)

Fat Kid on an Ice-Cream Sandwich

Fat Kid on an Ice-Cream Sandwich

They come nicely packed in an egg-carton type plastic container, separated from each other so they can’t give each other ice-cream cooties-

One's already missing!  Damn fat kid!

One's already missing! Damn fat kid!

And if you’re looking at you local store for these delicious but IN NO WAY FATTENING treats this is what the box looks like-


So far, I’ve ‘sampled’ the Strawberry shortcake, Chocolate Mint, and Cookie Dough.  They taste good, they’re creamy, and as the package tells me, there’s only 140 calories per.  That means you could eat the whole fucking box in one sitting…TWICE and still not hit the daily required caloric intake for an adult male living in the US of A.  You would however, hit the max of your daily required fiber, which is a sort of good/bad thing in that you NEED fiber, but you might not like the dairy/fiber combo that is sure to hit your exhaust port in an hour or two post consumption of 2 boxes.  And, best of all…is that cow.  That sexy, sexy cow.


Uh…is that cow wearing lipstick?  Should I have tingly feelings in my ‘swimsuit area’ due to a cartoon food spokes-bovine?  See, here’s the problem- once your cartoon character becomes THAT human looking…they better put on some pants.  Or at least a jacket-

Not a Flasher....hes got a jacket!

Not a Flasher....he's got a jacket!

The truly bothersome thing about said cow is…it’s obviously an anthropomorphized female cow…but where are the udders?   This cow rocks the lipstick, but not at least a bikini?   This whole thing is starting to creep me out.  In the way a ‘furry convention’ creeps me out.

Shiny Tiger-Thong!

Shiny Tiger-Thong!

I know, I know…we’re all looking to blame some one for this late-developing ‘sexy Elsie.’  If I had to point fingers at this ‘sexification’ of our cartoon food spokesmodels…I’d blame the Japanese-


Really?  Really.  For more NSFW Sexy Cow, head on over to “” and let your taste buds wonder about the OTHER Red Meat.

-alex fugazi